Fresh out of a relationship, you get advice from everywhere. Be it wanted or not, everyone has an opinion on how to cure the blues. Embracing how to be happy and single means understanding that with or without a partner you are already complete, and amazing.
Learning how to be happy without relying on others to fill the void, is life altering. Healing the heart is best done in solitude. Want to chase away those blues for good? Learn that happiness is an inside job. A partner is a life enhancement and not our source of completion.
Introspection First
Why did your relationship fail? Your partner cheated? You cheated? You felt taken for granted? Was the relationship abusive?
The responses to this question are endless. Yes good and bad is done by all parties from time to time. Playing the “blame game” is an endless cycle of who was more wrong.
It is pointless to hash the how’s and why’s of a relationships demise after it is over, unless you are willing to take responsibility for your own role in its failure.
You can be, what you perceive to be, the ideal mate for someone and things still not go as planned. If you find yourself attracted to very “broken” partners, you must find what inside of YOU is attracting you to them.
Our subconscious will cause us to seek out partners that have similar character traits to people in our lives that have caused us emotional pain.
Sounds crazy right? I assure you it is not. The part of us that wants to heal that broken relationship feels the need to “fix” someone that is characteristically similar.
Heal
It is a reality that many are unwilling to face. Self reflection takes a great deal of courage and a level of vulnerability with oneself that can be terrifying for every human.
The work however is worth the time, effort, and tears that will come. Working thru the why’s and how’s about our insecurities can only lead to a place of mental clarity and emotional peace.
Learn to forgive yourself just like you do others. Accepting responsibility for your choices is merely a step in the healing process. You must take it a step further.
You know that your choices are your own. Now what do I do with that? Forgive yourself. Do not allow yourself to get stuck in a place of self-blame and shame.
You set out with the intention to love another person. There is never fault to found, in the desire to love someone.
We get angry with ourselves and think “I should have known better”. Turn that around, and see it for what it is. You saw the good in someone and had hope that love would prosper.
Hope. Do you really need to be forgiven for hope? For seeing the potential in another human to be a good partner? No. You do not owe yourself an apology for not knowing everything. You do not blame yourself for not being able to see the future.
You do owe yourself understanding. The previous versions of you that were naïve and made mistakes, they deserve the love we give to others when their heart is aching.
We are quick to comfort others when they have made poor choices. There is no reason we can’t be comforters and forgivers of ourselves. We are, after all, the ONLY ones that truly know our own traumas.
Follow Your Dreams
We can be fulfilled from so many things in life. One way to accomplish that and instill a sense of pride in yourself is to take the initiative and do something that you have always wanted to do.
Most of us associate the pursuit of our dreams, with an unnecessary amount of grandeur attached to it. Simplify what living your dreams can be.
As a little girl I thoroughly enjoyed playing with my easy bake oven. I’d feed anyone willing to partake of my pint sized confections. It was a simple thing that brought me great joy. I looked forward to the day that I could create entire meals for others. Preparing and serving meals to the ones that I love is me living my childhood dream .
Making your dreams a reality isn’t as hard as it may seem. Maybe you always admired flowers but have never had a garden. Maybe you love fast cars, but could not afford to purchase your own.
To that I would say, start with a potted plant. Attend a race. Stop thinking that your dreams are unattainable. There are ways to enjoy the things you always wanted to have and do, even on a small scale.
Want to be a singer? Go to the bar and sing karaoke. Want to be an athlete? Go to a park and join in on a softball game. Begin to find joy in seemingly mundane things.
Happiness is possible at any moment in your life. The only thing that is stopping you is your own perspective. Destination addiction is a real thing, stop waiting for this or that to happen in order to be happy. Claim joy at every moment.
Love Freely and Often
Love is a necessity of life. In order for us to flourish, we need to give more love than we look for in return. Ego prevents us from loving as we should. Fear of judgement, or looking foolish cripples the heart from pouring out the love that we desperately need to share with one another.
How can this be achieved, you ask? By doing kind deeds and treating others with respect.
If you have the freedom in your schedule, volunteer at a shelter for the homeless or abused. Cut the grass for an elderly neighbor. Volunteer to do activities with under privileged youth. Service of others is a love language.
Pouring into others can give us a sense of purpose, and what would life be without purpose?
There are many ways to show and spread love. Don’t have an excess of free time? Pick up the phone and call someone that doesn’t have a lot of family that checks up on them. Giving of ourselves can be unbelievably gratifying. Try it!
Happiness Comes From You
Don’t measure your happiness by the standards of society. Pressure to be married, start families, etc., can be applied by well-meaning people who truly believe that a husband/wife will make you happy.
You cannot be happy if you are constantly trying to live according to the expectations of others. There is no blanket solution for satisfying EVERYONE. What works for some, may not work for you. Be courageous enough to live in your own truth.
Your journey is your own. What is meant for you, will be yours. If you take time to appreciate and recognize the beauty in yourself, you will find happiness there. Grow it, cultivate it, and nurture your heart and mind. Do the inner work! Not just for you, but for your loved ones, and the next potential partner that may come into your life. The best gift you can share with the world is the love from the healing version of you!
How To Be Happy And Single
Fill yourself with the love that you’re looking for. Become a life long devotee of the relationship you have with yourself, first, outsiders should be secondary. That my friends, is the secret to happiness. And as Always, Happy Healing!